Dean doesn’t feel anything. He sits there for almost and hour, staring at the wall just beyond Kevin because he can’t look at him. He just can’t. His cheeks are damp with tears and his breathing is so ragged it’s almost amusing, but he doesn’t feel it. All there is is some endless expanse of nothing sucking him in. The only straight thing left in the world is the wall behind him, and even that feels un sturdy.
He realizes, numbly, that there comes a point when the bad things take over. So many years of promising himself that a touch of death was ok, as long as he kept on saving. As long as there was someone alive because of him. He realizes that he’s gotten just as good at lying to himself as he is at lying to everyone else. Maybe even better.
Dean still feels empty when he carries Kevin upstairs to his room, and sets him down on the bed as gently as if he weren’t already broken. He looks at the scatter of books on the desk and a pair of pants flung in the middle of the floor. “You were just a kid. Just a goddamn kid.” He whispers. His voice feels much too loud in the quiet.
He goes downstairs after shutting the door to Kevin’s room with a quiet click. He rummages under the sink and comes out triumphant with a half empty bottle of whiskey, and another of gin. He takes them both to the table, sucking down a long drag of the whiskey before he even gets there. It doesn’t really make him feel anything.
Dean drinks everything he can find in the house, and never lets himself look at the spot on the floor where Kevin had lain. There’s nothing there, not even blood, but he avoids it anyway. He drinks until everything is wobbly and the light from the lamp across the room hits his eyes in strange refracted shapes. He drinks until the dull blankness inside of him is so big he can barely breath. And then he prays.
"Hey Cas? I…I heard you got your feathers back. So maybe you can actually hear me right now. Please say you can hear me. I ain’t crying to the goddamn walls again like you’ll magically appear. But…Cas you gotta help me. Please. I fucked everything up and I don’t think I can fix it. You know maybe you should just come toss me back into the pit…" Dean’s head slumps forwards onto his folded hands, and he feels the tickly ache of tears in the back of his throat again. "Kevin is dead! He’s fucking dead!" He tries to shout but it comes out all shaky. "And…and Sammy’s gone. Cas you’re all I got left. Please buddy, if you can hear me, I’m beggin’ you. I need your help.”
Then he asked us to bow down before you - to love you more than him.and I said: "Father... I can't."
Who are you
Whats your favorite color
Favorite ice cream flavor
Do you have a cat
reblogging again bc I already got some from really cute people, but it makes me unreasonably happy to read these from you SO KEEP ON SENDING THEM
some dumb kid let lucifer out of his cage.
He is so ugly and annoying.
no, he is fab
NO HAYMITCH IS ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS IN THG. THAT MAN WENT THROUGH SO MUCH. AFTER HE WON THE GAMES, THEY KILLED HIS FAMILY. HE HAD NO ONE REALLY UNTIL THESE TWO KIDS CAME AROUND. HE WAS ALWAYS DRUNK BECAUSE HE HAD FUCKING NO ONE. THATS HOW HE GOT RID OF HIS NIGHTMARES AND THE PAIN BY DRINKING. THATS WHY KATNISS GOT DRUNK IN CF WITH HAYMITCH AFTER SHE FOUND SHE WAS GOING BACK INTO THE ARENA. HE STARTED THE WHOLE STAR CROSSED LOVERS THING TO MAKE SURE KATNISS OR PEETA WOULD WIN THE GAMES BECAUSE HE CARED FOR THEM. HAYMITCH LITERALLY WENT THROUGH SO MUCH AND HIS CHARACTER IS SO COMPLEX SO NO HES NOT UGLY OR ANNOYING. HE IS FAB JUST LIKE E-VERDEEN SAID GOODBYE
NOT TO MENTION HE WAS THE WINNER OF THE QUARTER QUELL SO HE HAD TO WATCH TWICE AS MANY PEOPLE DIE IN HIS GAMES NOT TO MENTION ALL THE DISTRICT 12 TRIBUTES THAT COME BEFORE KATNISS AND PEETA SO FUCK YOU
YES and can we all remember that when he says he’s there “for the refreshments” he’s just making light of his situation. He’s actually there because he has no choice, because as the only living Victor of District 12 the Capitol fucking force him to return to the games as mentor year after year. Can you imagine what it’s like watching two kids from your district who are under your protection get butchered every year, and knowing that even if you moved heaven and earth to try and protect them they don’t have the faintest chance of survival against the Careers? No wonder he numbs the pain with alcohol, and pushes everyone (particularly the Tributes) away from him, because HE KNOWS HOW DANGEROUS IT IS TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. His mother, brother and girlfriend were MURDERED by President Snow just because Haymitch had the audacity to use his wits to survive the Quarter Quell. Caring about others has only ever brought him agony and loss. But you know what’s so fucking awesome about Haymitch? When he realises that despite everything, Katniss actually has a chance of doing well in the Games, he cleans up his act and tries his absolute best to help and protect her and Peeta. He grows to care for them, despite how dangerous he knows that to be. Yes he is cynical, and bitter, and self-destructive. Yes, he is an addict. But many people in his position would have probably killed themselves or lost their minds completely, but in the end he finds the courage fight back against the people who stole his life from him. The Capitol may have wounded him beyond all hope of repair but they didn’t break him, not completely. So don’t you ever try to tell me that Haymitch Abernathy is not a strong and brilliant character because I got no time for that shit.
dean stop being so dramatic you’re killing me
High-five for open minded people
this is cute and also observe: sometimes people aren’t being deliberately close-minded and douchey about issues like sexuality etc. ok sometimes they just need somebody to patiently and politely explain things to them
Dear Social Justice Bloggers
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